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Thursday, July 7, 2011


We were out the other night and a couple of friends asked me when I was going to post something here. I know I have been MIA on this blog for quite a while. Life gets in the way much too often. I told them that I need to think of something to write about and they both said, "Write about us." I proceeded to tell them that I needed pseudonyms or nicknames for them. Then the task of thinking of nicknames came into play.

It got me thinking. I remember when I was a kid I wanted a nickname mostly because I was watching Happy Days (you remember the Fonz, don't you?). There were the sisters Pinky and Leather Tuscadero. I loved their nicknames. Oh, but the dilemma of which one I wanted to be. Did I want to be the sexy, dressed in pink, love interest of Fonzie? Or, did I want to be the hard hitting, dressed in leather, Joan Jett-ish, rocker? The choices.

I already had a little cousin nicknamed Pinky. That wouldn't work. I didn't really want to be called Leather, so that wouldn't work either. Eventually, I got nothing. Well, eventually, I got something. It didn't stick, thank goodness, but someone we hung around with down at Manoa's gym and park gave me a nickname. Side note: we were what they called Gym Rats. In the summer, we were basically at the park/gym/fields/pool from 9AM-9PM on many days.

The nickname I was given was Ghost. Great. I didn't get something cool like Pinky, Leather, or T-bone (like George Costanza). Nope, I got Ghost. Why? Well, back in Hawaii, I was always very fair. I never tanned, no matter how hard I tried. I turned pink or red and then back to white with more freckles. Pretty cruel for a kid in Hawaii.

Ah, but what did my best friend get for a nickname? She got Ostrich. She was tall and whenever we played sports she would make this sound that someone apparently thought sounded like an ostrich. I'm not sure what an ostrich sounds like, but that's what my friend ended up with. So, Ghost and Ostrich went through life pale and squawking. Thank goodness the names didn't really stick, just for that particular summer.

So, back to the two friends from the other night. One had just been on vacation with another family. She said that everyone on vacation got nicknames. The other mom got Grilled Cheese. Why? Because while sitting on a picnic table on the beach, a local man went on and on about how hot she was, how he liked women with meat on them, and how her thighs could melt a grilled cheese sandwich between them. I guess Ghost wasn't too bad.

My friend, did not get a nickname. We decided that her nickname would be The Intimidator. That's right say it like Arnold. Speaking of Arnold, really, that housekeeper he knocked up, seriously? Not much to look at. Oops, off track again. The Intimidator is not a large woman, not overpowering, not a body builder, but she has confidence. Several people have commented that when they first met her, they thought she was very intimidating. I thought this was hilarious. She almost does the Shrek Puss in Boots kitty eyes and says, "I don't know why they think I'm intimidating." Here's why. She is confident and says what she thinks. She is straight up with people. Some find this intimidating. I find this awesome. I hate when people are not real and honest.

Now on to the other friend. Hmmm, we couldn't think of a nickname that night. So, let's see. She has a pug that sometimes pees all over her curtains. Well, I guess mostly the bottom of the curtains, he is a pug after all. She was a cop in a former life, she has confidence and a good heart, she has a good gay friend that likes to light his own farts, her husband has to travel a lot, but mostly she likes to bitch about the weather (too hot, too cold, too whatever). If Mother Nature ever came into human form, she would need to watch her back. She would seriously take her out.

I still can't think of a nickname. Oh, how about Fahrenheit? That might work. Gabriel Fahrenheit was a famous meteorologist (weather) and since it is the measure of temperature and her temperature can rise quickly over certain things, like crappy weather, etc. That could be it.

So, I dedicate this post to Ostrich, The Intimidator, and Fahrenheit.